it is now the sunset of the month, 3 years plus following my last post.

long breath out. long way ahead.

couple of times i tried to recall the taste of mung bean cake sold at the campus cafeteria. or the big chips and sausages we savoured during weekends out and stay overs. or how the yellow tiny flowers lying on the green grass beside the lake used to smell like.

all left to memory.

yet i always think that perhaps its good to go back to that soil, clinging teeth as i try to stand the chillness of the midnight air.

4. purpose vs power

maybe i should write about this. regardless of how some people think of me as an ignorant. marie von ebner eschenbach was right when she said 'we are so vain that we even care for the opinion of those we dont care for'. so i dont want to know what others think about me; i guess i just decided to let them go down the drain.

and so im writing about what concerns me and what went on inside my mind just now.

i just watched hellboy 2. before, i watched the dark knight, and also hancock. what i found was a very significant change of thinking among the westerners. they now learnt that they are having a very big conflict, a conflict that only islam can answer- the purpose of living.

before, in most heroism-type movies, inner conflicts are very rare. everything seems obvious- we all know which one is the hero and which one is the enemy simply by their looks. we have also been implanted by those movies that good will eventually wins; and heroes dont have to think twice on how they should use their power (that is to save the mankind and fight evil). everything was kept straight-forward and seemed easy. there were a set of moral values undisturbed, definitions remained unchallenged because movie makers focused more onto completing the storyline rather than personalising into the main characters' thoughts and feelings- gaps between us and the characters used to be very wide indeed.

but it isnt the case anymore. knowledge has expanded, the world is getting smaller and people have realized that they are bound by nothing. just as w. clement stone once said, 'whatever the mind of man can concieve and believe, it can achieve'. personally, i think the achievements that the protagonists in the movies got due to their super powers can be logically achieved by us normal human being given we have more time. nothing is proved to be impossible, right?

so now we have the power. we have the technologies. we have the knowledge. and we keep on wondering why. we can imagine the effects of our abilities and strength and how we can use them. life helps us by directing us to obstacles each day, urging us to make decisions. and we keep on wondering on which way we are going to take in utilising our power.

if we do good, how can we know that we will be well-paid? can anyone guarantee us that everything will end good? will we be well-pleased with what we will do? if things eventually go wrong, where will we stand? how can we be assured that we will always be safe?

these are the conflicts that i could grasp from hancock, the dark knight and hellboy 2. trends of heroism-type movies have changed; movie makers now are aggressively imposing on what they personally feel and think about conflicts of mankind nowadays through the heroic characters in their movies. they are trying to picture the reality with strong honesty and openness, and eventually leaving the decisions for us the viewers to make.

as an old saying say, nothing is constant except change, yet human rarely embrace it full-heartedly. i am no exception. i take some time to suit myself into a new life and environment, from living comfortably in my home country to being an undergraduate student in a foreign country that requires me to speak not in my first language, mingling with people from different backgrounds and believes, and having to adjust my belief all these while. my faith has always been turrently challenged over and over again. i have to always reflect, reconsider and rethink about how to deal with my life and everything that comes before me. good science is part of my religion- i have learnt not to swallow every piece that im given. i learnt to reevaluate and to repeat experiments to ensure its validity in all experiences ive gone through. and ultimately i learnt to choose based on what i have come to believe.

and with deepest thankfulness, what i believe in never changes.

we all know human being are so much as vulnerable as their dreams. human makes mistakes, human changes and human faces challenges everyday that pushes them to make choices for survival. things are more than plain black and white. human varies in priorities, capacities, feelings and thoughts eventhough they have the same belief. they dont always deal with the same problem the same way. to utmost appreciation and beauty, human are all unique. at least that's what i learnt from my adolescence age.

when i was small i had my purpose first before i realize about my strength. it was typical those days- when i really wanted something i know that i had to summon the power needed to get it. it was all safe; you cant be trickingly wrong with purpose. but now, i have come to know myself better, to know deeper about my own strength and power, and sometimes i curiously yet fearfully thinking about my purpose. when you know what you have before you know on how you want to give it away, things get tricky because you have so much options to choose from. you start to weigh the benefits and consequences of your power, because you can control it.

i guess that's why i am always afraid of power, because im afraid that i might misuse it. i always look at talented people with fear; because i can imagine the burden they are carrying when they have to make decisions. i am one of my country's best students too, so i know what it feels like. sometimes you feel like you want to throw all those fear out, but no one hear you. the pressure of expectations of other people can sometimes push you forward but can also push you to the limit. you have to know and accept what makes you you to clear up your mind before you can make any decisions.

from another perspective, for we all are blessed with wealth of some sort, yet our life can be so agonizing with lots of problems, makes us think what is actually important. and why are we even here.

which then brings me to my conclusion point- we are all created by purpose. personally i feel that it is so absurd to be created by nothing. to be born by accident. to live with coincidences. we can live whichever way we want to, we can do anything we want to, as long as it suits our purpose. and our ultimate purpose is the hereafter. we might not be well-treated in life, we might do very big mistakes and do not know how to make everything right again except for walking forward and try to get over our bitter regrets, and we simply might not get the things we really want in life. but that's why the hereafter is there at the first place. no matter how difficult and demeaning things are, we always know where we stand. no matter how far we have traveled and how diverse we have become, we know where to go back to. we now have the power and know how to use it. and do you know what is our greatest power of all? it is prayer.

i have found the answer to my question- just have Allah at the back of your mind, always.

always.

always.

and we will all be fine forever. insyaAllah, ameen..

p/s: happy nisfu syaaban ;-)

3. makan, anyone..?

oowkaaayyyy....

australia has just been reported to be the fattest country in the world, where there is more people being overweight compared to any other place in the world.

well, there are times when i wish that i am at the antarctic eating salmon and living in the igloo. aha! beruang mama kadang-kadang fikir macam tu.

tapi it is actually a clear picture. kat ausie ni, rata-rata menu wajib kat restoran-restoran ialah hamburgers, cheeseburgers, chips. australians suka makan jajan, dan semua benda kalau boleh letak cheese atau bacon. sebab makanan ruji diorang ialah roti, so ape yang best dimakan dengan roti kalau bukan daging, kan? kalau semua daging kat restoran ausie ni halal, God knows camane aku akan jadi. taknak fikir! haha.

dan australians sangat suka bbq. sikit-sikit bbq. kat uni, bbq tu selalunya jadi benda wajib kalau nak promote mana-mana kelab atau persatuan. dan bila bbq, akan adalah burger, arak semua.

australia boleh dikatakan negara 'dairy', lembu banyak diternak kat sini (apart from kambing, babi etc) maka cheese ada dalam macam-macam bentuk, saiz, jenis dan perisa. ada plain cheese, ada parmesan, ada cheese spread dengan olive and onion, dan macam-macam lagi yang sebenarnya aku malas nak tengok sebab kalau selalu diusha ia akan jadi sangat tempting. haha. sejajar dengan usulan mama 'dah ada kat ausie tu g lah rasa cheese-cheese kat sana'. hehe. tak apelah ma. dan kat sini macam-macam jenis cheese cakes ada. lemon cheese, blueberry cheese, strawberry cheese, dan macam-macam jenis kek yang nampak sangat 'fluffy' dan 'creamy'. ohh, aku rindu kek pisang faveret abah.

paling penting, sejak sampai sini, ada suatu benda sangat ketara tentang makanan. serving makanan kat sini adalah double the serving kat mesia. kalau makan nasi briyani kat restoran sarawan tu, siap-siaplah bawak tupperware. unless tersangat lapar, especially perempuan memang takkan habis makan nasi dan lauk dia. skali dia serve macam dua pinggan serving mesia. nasi yang menggunung, chips yang sampai terkeluar dari bekas polisterin, standard air gas dalam tin 1.5 size air tin mesia. biasalah badan orang-orang ausie pun lebih besar dari saiz badan kita orang mesia. ermm..aku ni boleh la dikatakan separuh berat standard diorang. haha.

tu belum campur dengan all the kinds of fast food diorang. dari mcD ke KFC ke SUBWAY ke kebab ke PIZZAHUT ke DOMINO'S dan just name it. semua pun menu lebih kurang, banyak lemak. walaupun kat mesia ada restoran-restoran tu, tapi syukur itu bukan makanan ruji kita.

tapi, realising this, they are a lot more aware dengan kalori dalam makanan compared to us. mereka dididik dengan lebih baik tentang diet. tentang macam mana nak tau berapa kalori yang diorang patut ambil dalam makanan, dan ada juga syarikat-syarikat macam Lite n Easy yang prepare makanan sihat untuk orang ausie dan hantarkan ke rumah tiap-tiap hari. and amazingly ada orang hilang sampai 37kg- wow! paling best ada rancangan tv The Biggest Loser, di mana orang-orang obes masuk rancangan tu, mereka undergo turrent exercises and very tight activities and they work their guts out to lose weight, and ada yang hilang berat sampai 70kg..OMG i just cant imagine that..

but yeah, there are always pros and cons in things, rite..?

p/s: Tuhan kuruskanlah aku. ameen.

2. tegur yop, and smile!

tadi lepas aku habis exam, on the way balik apartmen aku lalu satu tempat construction. aku suka tengok construction, sebab aku suka tengok orang bekerja keras. drive kren, pakai cap keselamatan siap dengan jaket, muka dan baju sedikit kotor, kasut boot yang kuat, sambil alihkan batu-batu besar dengan penuh hati-hati. aku selalu dan sangat suka pandang orang-orang macam ni sambil diam dan perhati dengan mata sepet.

dan tadi, seorang pekerja tu perasan aku usha diorang bekerja. kemudian dia pandang aku, tapi time tu aku alih pandangan ke arah lain (ada orang tengah main tenis kat court. menarik jugak ermm). kemudian aku toleh balik dan perasan yang dia pandang aku. aku senyum kemudian dia tegur, "hye there. how you're doing?" dengan gaya penuh gentleman. ahh. cair?

tak lah. sebab australians memang macam tu. mereka sangat friendly, suka tegur orang. kalau naik bas pagi-pagi, driver bas akan tegur hampir semua orang yang naik bas tu 'good morning'. especially dengan perempuan-perempuan pakai tudung, mereka respect perempuan-perempuan bertudung kat sini, termasuk aku :). dan penumpang-penumpang pulak, setiap kali turun bas, akan cakap 'thanks' atau 'cheer mate' dan kalau lelaki sambil angkat tangan tanda respect.

kat mana-mana service counters pun macam tu. mereka suka senyum dan layan customers dengan baik. sini ramai foreign people dengan bahasa lain-lain, tapi mereka mesti akan cuba fahamkan jugak apa yang setiap customer nak. time aku pergi camping kat lake eildon, bila aku bagitau yang aku tak boleh makan pork dan mereka kena sertu (aku cakap je 'wash with 1 part of soil water and 6 parts of plain water') sudip dan tempat bbq sume, mereka siap offer lagi nak buatkan (padahal mana boleh, diorang tak faham pun konsep sertu tu ape). bila aku kata 'it's okay' mereka tak puas hati, mereka tetap nak aku dapat makanan macam orang lain dan cuba nak faham macam mana nak betulkan keadaan supaya aku dapat makan dengan tenang. syukur, rupa-rupanya malam tu mereka tak masak pork, mereka masak beef, so tak payah sertu cuma kena asingkan aje. leganya aku malam tu.

nak tarik muka masam tu memang jarang sekali lah. selalu kan kalau kat mesia, melayu dengan melayu jarang nak mesra-mesra ni unless betul-betul kenal (yang aku nampak lah, tak tau lah pulak aku tak cukup comel sampai orang taknak senyum kat aku kan hehe). tapi kat sini, semua orang, sebangsa ke, tak seagama ke, kenal ke tak kenal ke semua layan cara sama- friendly and helpful. bukan sebab mereka memang manusia baik-baik dan sopan santun dan helpful dan peramah, tapi sebab tu etika kerja. sebab mereka golongan professional. tu sebab negara mereka maju- reti bezakan hal personal dan kerja.

tapi tapi. bukan selalu orang keje constructor tiba-tiba je tegur seorang perempuan yang tengah berjalan kan? sambil buat kerja tu sempat lagi tegur-menegur.

aih..aku memang comel nampaknya. hehe~

1. baca bas

aku suka naik bas. sebab tak payah risau betul ke tak jalan yang aku ambik, plus aku boleh tengok macam-macam. berlagak miskin ni ada bagusnya.

di ausie, pemandunya semmart-semmart. well, that is obvious sebab ausie negara maju.

but let's talk about attitude.

pemandu bas, seorang perempuan, sampai awal ke bustop. sambil menunggu penumpang, dia duduk bersandar sambil membaca buku. tabik spring- sempat lagi membaca. sama juga dengan seorang penumpang tua di seat tengah. rata-rata ada at least sebuah buku dalam beg masing-masing.

pernah sekali aku naik bas, ada ramai budak sekolah di dalamnya. mereka bawa beg sekolah yang saiznya dua kali ganda beg sekolah budak-budak di malaysia (yang aku rasa aku sendiri tak terangkat, mungkin sebab badan mereka lagi tinggi dan tough), mereka ada hp masing-masing dan mereka sembang-sembang sambil gelak ketawa dalam bas, macam budak-budak biasa.

kemudian aku keluarkan lecture notes dari dalam beg aku sambil baca dalam bas. bila budak-budak tu lihat aku membaca, mereka terus letak beg-beg mereka ke lantai, buka dan keluarkan buku masing-masing. bukan buku sekolah, bukan buku latihan. tapi novel terbaru harry potter. sambil tu mereka berlumba-lumba siapa sudah membaca harry potter sampai habis. melihatkan mereka, aku tersenyum aja.

Tuhan dah pesan awal-awal, suruh kita membaca. sesetengah australians hanya tak membaca dengan namaNya.

bismillahirrahmanirrahim

testing testing (konon macam tak pernah buat blog pulak)

NOTE: sesiapa nak cadangkan apa-apa topik menarik, silakan. mana tau ada yang belum terlintas dalam kepala tapi sebenarnya menarik untuk ditulis.

sekian :)