Sunday, August 17, 2008

4. purpose vs power

maybe i should write about this. regardless of how some people think of me as an ignorant. marie von ebner eschenbach was right when she said 'we are so vain that we even care for the opinion of those we dont care for'. so i dont want to know what others think about me; i guess i just decided to let them go down the drain.

and so im writing about what concerns me and what went on inside my mind just now.

i just watched hellboy 2. before, i watched the dark knight, and also hancock. what i found was a very significant change of thinking among the westerners. they now learnt that they are having a very big conflict, a conflict that only islam can answer- the purpose of living.

before, in most heroism-type movies, inner conflicts are very rare. everything seems obvious- we all know which one is the hero and which one is the enemy simply by their looks. we have also been implanted by those movies that good will eventually wins; and heroes dont have to think twice on how they should use their power (that is to save the mankind and fight evil). everything was kept straight-forward and seemed easy. there were a set of moral values undisturbed, definitions remained unchallenged because movie makers focused more onto completing the storyline rather than personalising into the main characters' thoughts and feelings- gaps between us and the characters used to be very wide indeed.

but it isnt the case anymore. knowledge has expanded, the world is getting smaller and people have realized that they are bound by nothing. just as w. clement stone once said, 'whatever the mind of man can concieve and believe, it can achieve'. personally, i think the achievements that the protagonists in the movies got due to their super powers can be logically achieved by us normal human being given we have more time. nothing is proved to be impossible, right?

so now we have the power. we have the technologies. we have the knowledge. and we keep on wondering why. we can imagine the effects of our abilities and strength and how we can use them. life helps us by directing us to obstacles each day, urging us to make decisions. and we keep on wondering on which way we are going to take in utilising our power.

if we do good, how can we know that we will be well-paid? can anyone guarantee us that everything will end good? will we be well-pleased with what we will do? if things eventually go wrong, where will we stand? how can we be assured that we will always be safe?

these are the conflicts that i could grasp from hancock, the dark knight and hellboy 2. trends of heroism-type movies have changed; movie makers now are aggressively imposing on what they personally feel and think about conflicts of mankind nowadays through the heroic characters in their movies. they are trying to picture the reality with strong honesty and openness, and eventually leaving the decisions for us the viewers to make.

as an old saying say, nothing is constant except change, yet human rarely embrace it full-heartedly. i am no exception. i take some time to suit myself into a new life and environment, from living comfortably in my home country to being an undergraduate student in a foreign country that requires me to speak not in my first language, mingling with people from different backgrounds and believes, and having to adjust my belief all these while. my faith has always been turrently challenged over and over again. i have to always reflect, reconsider and rethink about how to deal with my life and everything that comes before me. good science is part of my religion- i have learnt not to swallow every piece that im given. i learnt to reevaluate and to repeat experiments to ensure its validity in all experiences ive gone through. and ultimately i learnt to choose based on what i have come to believe.

and with deepest thankfulness, what i believe in never changes.

we all know human being are so much as vulnerable as their dreams. human makes mistakes, human changes and human faces challenges everyday that pushes them to make choices for survival. things are more than plain black and white. human varies in priorities, capacities, feelings and thoughts eventhough they have the same belief. they dont always deal with the same problem the same way. to utmost appreciation and beauty, human are all unique. at least that's what i learnt from my adolescence age.

when i was small i had my purpose first before i realize about my strength. it was typical those days- when i really wanted something i know that i had to summon the power needed to get it. it was all safe; you cant be trickingly wrong with purpose. but now, i have come to know myself better, to know deeper about my own strength and power, and sometimes i curiously yet fearfully thinking about my purpose. when you know what you have before you know on how you want to give it away, things get tricky because you have so much options to choose from. you start to weigh the benefits and consequences of your power, because you can control it.

i guess that's why i am always afraid of power, because im afraid that i might misuse it. i always look at talented people with fear; because i can imagine the burden they are carrying when they have to make decisions. i am one of my country's best students too, so i know what it feels like. sometimes you feel like you want to throw all those fear out, but no one hear you. the pressure of expectations of other people can sometimes push you forward but can also push you to the limit. you have to know and accept what makes you you to clear up your mind before you can make any decisions.

from another perspective, for we all are blessed with wealth of some sort, yet our life can be so agonizing with lots of problems, makes us think what is actually important. and why are we even here.

which then brings me to my conclusion point- we are all created by purpose. personally i feel that it is so absurd to be created by nothing. to be born by accident. to live with coincidences. we can live whichever way we want to, we can do anything we want to, as long as it suits our purpose. and our ultimate purpose is the hereafter. we might not be well-treated in life, we might do very big mistakes and do not know how to make everything right again except for walking forward and try to get over our bitter regrets, and we simply might not get the things we really want in life. but that's why the hereafter is there at the first place. no matter how difficult and demeaning things are, we always know where we stand. no matter how far we have traveled and how diverse we have become, we know where to go back to. we now have the power and know how to use it. and do you know what is our greatest power of all? it is prayer.

i have found the answer to my question- just have Allah at the back of your mind, always.

always.

always.

and we will all be fine forever. insyaAllah, ameen..

p/s: happy nisfu syaaban ;-)